Speaking My Mind.

& so I cut myself physically because I… myself emotionally hurt.

Okay there are some rules, anytime you feel like going to go eat… you need to come post your weight, why you want to eat, what will happen if you do eat, and what will happen if you don’t eat.

Day one- Why are you doing this?

-Current Weight—> 

Day two- Do you hope people will notice?

-Lowest Weight—>

Day three- How long have you been trying?

-Highest Weight—>

Day four- What is your UGL?

-Height—>

Day five- What do you not like about yourself?

-What is your BMI—>

Day six- Do you eat?

x Take anti heartburn pills if you’re really hungry. They neutralize that acid that builds and makes you hungry

Day seven- Ever have nightmares about food?

-Weight Check In—>

Day nine- Do you wish you weren’t like this?

x Drinking green tea boosts your metabolism 

Day ten- What is the hardest part about the whole thing for you?

x Chew gum if you need to cook so you won’t eat any of the food. 

Day 11- Does this effect your grades?

x Cinnamon helps boost your metabolism

Day 12- Has anyone ever said anything to you about it before?

x Your metabolism run better when your cold because it’s trying to keep you warm… maybe try taking a cold shower

Day 13- Do you cut yourself or have you ever?

x Ginger helps boost your metabolism

Day 14- If you had one wish what would it be?

x Eat with the opposite hand you normally do. Left handed people eat with their right hand, and vice versa.

Day 15- Throwing up after you eat?

x Don’t slouch, sit straight ~ you burn more cals that way. 

Day 16- When is it hardest for you to stay in control?

x Drinking something cold helps boost your metabolism

Day 17- Were you ever sent to the hospital?

-Weight Check In—>

Day 18- Has this ever made you cry?

X Spicy foods boost the metabolism. 

Day 19- Does it both you when people joke around about this stuff?

x Fidgeting helps booth your metabolism

Day 20- Do you know anyone with the same problem as you?

x If your going to eat, negative calorie foods are the best way to go

Day 21- What do you want to change most about yourself?

x Use smaller plates and utensils so it seems like you ate more. 

Day 22- Bruise easy?

x Ginseng helps boost your metabolism

Day 23- Does anything about this every scare you?

x Sleep at least six hours a day. If you get less than six this can lower your metabolism by 15%. 

Day 24- Ever take diet pills?

-Weight Check In—>

Day 25- Drink green eat?

x Keep good posture, burns 10% more calories when you sit up straight.

Day 26- How much do you weight yourself?

x Cigs curb your appetite

Day 27- Name one thing you like about yourself? (can’t say nothing)

x Drinking a 1/2 liter if water boost your metabolism by 30% …but only for 40 mins

Day 28- Do you eat meat?

x Do not reward yourself with food

Day 29- Do you work out?

x About to binge, then get out of the house and go for a walk

Day 30- Favorite thing about what you are doing?

x If you’ve come this far and your doing good, I am proud of you :) 

Day 31- Do you fast?

x Only chew half a piece of gum at a time… less cal and you have more or later

Day 32- When did you first realize you had a problem? 

-Weight Check In—>

Day 33- Have you ever tried to recover?

x Take magnesium tablets if you crave chocolate

Day 34- Explain the type of person you are?

x Do a body cleanse 

Day 35- What kind of a family do you come from?

x Freeze your food, it takes longer to eat plus cold is good

Day 36- Any one else in your family have an eating disorder?

x Peppermint suppresses your appetite

Day 37- Do you count calories?

x A lot of times when your body is telling you to binge it because it is lacking the things it needs… so take vitamins. But you need to be careful about only taking the right amount… over taking some vitamins can cause the body to store fat in your tissue 

Day 38- Do you have a calorie limit?

x Practice control, not just with food but everything (it will help you stay strong)

Day 39- Binge much?

-Weight Check In—>

Day 40- Do you have a BMI goal?

-Current BMI—> 

Day 45- Are you into thinspo? 

x Don’t forget why you are doing this

Day 46- Have you ever did something to your food so you couldn’t eat it? (like poured bleach on it or something like that)

x The color blue makes you feel less hungry vs. the color red

Day 47-  What do you like best about skinny people?

x Drinking at least 2 tbsp of Vinegar helps get rid of fat

Day 48- Is there anyone you want to ‘scare’ with your weight loss?

x You have to believe in yourself 

Day 49- Tell me, how to you think your doing and what you can do better?

x Brush your teeth a lot

Day 50- Do you have a favorite thinspo girl?

-Weight Check In—>

* If you didn’t make it… it’s okay cause I’ve tried many times too. So do this over or go to my tumblr page and find a different one <3

Stay Strong <—-

im an ugly fat piece if shit.

I just had a dream that my dad raped me…
Im more an a little worried.

I want to just forget about it but I cant get the sick picture out of my head.

Day 26 - Have you lost weight, and gained it back? Or are you maintaining your current weight?

I lose some then go back up to where I started… then I lose it again and I go back up later… but I must say Im getting better about it. I used to go back to my starting point but now I that point to go back to has getten lower.

Day 25 - Does Your Weight Affect Your Mood?

Very much so.

Can I just to shoot myself already.

Day 24 - 12 Months Ago: Where Were You and What Were You Doing?

The exact same thing I am doing now. Trying to lose weight and going to high school. Hmmm what a life.

Only diffence I can tell is I am trying harder on my grades and it’s taking everything out of me.

Day 25 - Does Your Weight Affect Your Mood?
Day 26 - Have you lost weight, and gained it back? Or are you maintaining your current weight?
Day 27 - What Are Your Exercise or Eating Habits?
Day 28 - What’s Your Current Weight: Did you lose anything these past 7 days? If you didn’t, what is your plan for the next?
Day 29– 2 Weight Loss Blogs that follow you
Day 30 - What do you fear for the Holiday season?
Day 31 - Step on the scale. Do you like the weight you see - yes or no and why?
Day 32 - Skinny or Fit?
Day 33 - What did you eat today?
Day 34 - What is your ideal caloric intake/day?
Day 35 - Final Call: What is your current weight? Did you lose anything these past 7 days?
Day 36 - What are your weight loss or fitness goals for 2012?
Day 37 - Triumph! What is your Current Weight and Height? Did you reach your GW or UGW? Did you reach the weight you wanted to be for Christmas? How much weight, in general, did you lose?

Day 23 - Handwrite the Last Thing You Ate

Handwright it? …it was grapefruit

Day 24 - 12 Months Ago: Where Were You and What Were You Doing?
Day 25 - Does Your Weight Affect Your Mood?
Day 26 - Have you lost weight, and gained it back? Or are you maintaining your current weight?
Day 27 - What Are Your Exercise or Eating Habits?
Day 28 - What’s Your Current Weight: Did you lose anything these past 7 days? If you didn’t, what is your plan for the next?
Day 29– 2 Weight Loss Blogs that follow you
Day 30 - What do you fear for the Holiday season?
Day 31 - Step on the scale. Do you like the weight you see - yes or no and why?
Day 32 - Skinny or Fit?
Day 33 - What did you eat today?
Day 34 - What is your ideal caloric intake/day?
Day 35 - Final Call: What is your current weight? Did you lose anything these past 7 days?
Day 36 - What are your weight loss or fitness goals for 2012?
Day 37 - Triumph! What is your Current Weight and Height? Did you reach your GW or UGW? Did you reach the weight you wanted to be for Christmas? How much weight, in general, did you lose?

Day 22 - 5 Reasons for Losing Weight

So I have a thigh gap

So I feel weightless

So I know I am underweight

So I know he can hold my weight

So he will worry/care about me more

So I can be proud of myself

So I can wear the clothes I like

So I can be happy with myself

…I could keep going.

i hate my life i hate my life i hate my life
i hate my life i hate my life i hate my life
i hate my life i hate my life i hate my life

im sick of my life
im sick of my life
im sick of my life

i dont care anymore
i dont care anymore
i dont care anymore

i give up
i give up
i give up

i dont want to do this anymore
i dont want to do this anymore
i dont want to do this anymore

i wish i would die
i wish i would die
i wish i would die

im tired of putting up with everything
im tired of putting up with everything
im tired of putting up with everything

i want out
i want out
i want out

i wish someone could save me
i wish someone could save me
i wish someone could save me

i hate my life…

i just feel like i cant do this anymore, and yet im still not able to stop. i feel like im being run into the water and pushed under. i cant breath nor can i see. hope isnt there to save me. my skin bleeds and my heart wont seem to beat. im lively dead. no one can hear me, no one cares to see me. im invisable. and not one person knows. even if i try to tell, they shut me down. i cant handle this anymore. i have no way out. i am dead inside. i cant even cry out.

my life has no meaning. still cant find hope :/


please god jus let me the fuck go.